Monday, June 16, 2008
Another Edition of Small Town Police Reports
As you may know, I love to read our daily Police Logs. You can read some of the past highlights in the "Police Logs" category in my sidebar.
There's really not a lot of crime around here and I guess people don't really know what constitutes "crime", because they call the police about the most inconsequential things. Always a source of entertainment!
It's hard to imagine that the police in large cities probably have to deal with random stupidity on a daily basis besides actual, serious crimes.
_____________________________________________________________
* ACO Animal Control Complaint: 06:50
Officer: DUCHATEAU, CHRIS
Reporter: PERRIN, VERONICA SUZANNE
REPORT OF DEER LOST IN THE LOWES PARKING LOT.
GONE ON ARRIVAL.
Location : 1313 SW CANAL BLVD
He wasn't lost, he was probably just looking for his car. He's all, "Dude! Where's my car?" or more like, "D'oh! Where's my car?"
Get it? "D'oh" and "doe?"
Oh never mind, I've milked that for all it's worth.
_____________________________________________________________
Speaking of milk-
* ANIMAL / All Complaints Referred to
Animal Control Officer(s): 07:45
Officer: GREGORY, RON
Reporter: ONCEA, BILLY DAVID
COW LAYING ON SIDE UNABLE TO GET UP.
TURNS OUT THE COW IS CALVING AND ALL
IS NORMAL.
Location : NW 23RD ST/NW HEMLOCK
Good Lord, I've had it. These people don't get out to the country much, do they? Damn city folk. Yes, cow's have babies, that's where cows actually come from, not just from your grocery's meat aisle.
_______________________________________________________________
Speaking of meat-
* SUSP CIRC Suspicious Circumstances: 12:45
Officer: MAJETICH,JAMES
Reporter: FENTON, JAMES METCALF
FOUND SUSPICIOUS SUBSTANCE IN BAG ON STREET.
SUBSTANCE WAS RAW CHICKEN.
Location : 3025 SW QUARTZ AVE
Oh My GOD! Call the cops! It might be CRACK! Or Quack! Or Cluck!
What did he think it was? Dead body parts? Freaking paranoid.
Dude would never survive in the Big City.
________________________________________________________________
Now this is just getting fowl-
* ACO Animal Control Complaint: 15:33
Officer: LONG, DON
Reporter: ANONYMOUS
REPORT OF DUCKS STUCK IN ICE IN A
POND NEAR THE 2300 BLOCK OF SW 23RD ST.
DUCKS WERE NOT STUCK AND IN GOOD HEALTH.
SETTLED BY CONTACT .
Location : 900 SW 23RD ST
OK, besides being a stupid complaint, if you've read my other police reports, there was once someone who called in with this-
REPORTER REPORTED ROW BOAT IN WATER AT LOCATION. REPORTER WAS CONCERNED FOR THE DUCKS. THE DUCKS SEEMED TO BE AVOIDING THE BOAT JUST FINE.
Hey, I love ducks too. With orange sauce. Yummy!
_______________________________________________________________
* HARASS Harassment/Threats/
Menacing/Stalking/Phone Harassment: 23:42
Officer: CHASE, CORY D
Reporter: MCCOY, BRETT MATHEW
THREE DIFFERENT RP'S CALLED TO REPORT THAT SOMEONE IDENTIFYING THEMSELVES AS OFFICER "MIKE HUNT" WITH THE POLICE DEPARTMENT WAS INVESTIGATING PRANK PHONE CALLS.
Location : 1550 NW 57TH ST
Hee! "Mike Hunt"... "MikeHunt".
Get it?
Oh, God, that is so immature. Hee-hee!
______________________________________________________________
* HARASS Harassment/Threats/
Menacing/Stalking/Phone Harassment: 00:15
Officer: DICKSON, DEXTER
PRANK CALL, IDENTIFYING HIMSELF AS "OFFICER HAIRY" WITH THE POLICE DEPARTMENT.
Location : 1515 NW FIR AVE #26
What do you want to bet this is related to the "Mike Hunt" prank calls? I don't quite get the "hairy" joke, but it's still funny!
_________________________________________________________________
Wait! Wait! I think we have an actual crime!
* SUSP SUBJ Suspicious Subject / Prowler: 02:52
Officer: DUFF, BOB
POSSIBLE BURGLARY IN PROGRESS.
WAS THE PAPER MAN.
Location : 1421 NW 6TH ST
Awwwwww... dang!
_________________________________________________________________
* VEH ACC Motor Vehicle Crash / Accident: 12:59
Officer: HICKS, DEREK
Driver: ZITEK, EILEEN J
Driver: SHAW, HEATHER ANN
Driver: ROLLINS, TRACEY M
MOTOR VEHICLE CRASH INVOLVING THREE VEHICLES,
TWO STREET SIGNS,
AND ONE HOUSE.
Location : SW 23RD ST/SW QUARTZ AVE
...and a paaaartridge in a pear treeeeeeeee...
_________________________________________________________________
I think I'll start a Neighborhood Watch; be on the look-out for Stupid People.
Until next time...stay on your toes! You, too, can help catch criminals!
And keep an eye on that livestock, they're suspicious characters.
Any exciting crimes in your area lately?
There's really not a lot of crime around here and I guess people don't really know what constitutes "crime", because they call the police about the most inconsequential things. Always a source of entertainment!
It's hard to imagine that the police in large cities probably have to deal with random stupidity on a daily basis besides actual, serious crimes.
_____________________________________________________________
* ACO Animal Control Complaint: 06:50
Officer: DUCHATEAU, CHRIS
Reporter: PERRIN, VERONICA SUZANNE
REPORT OF DEER LOST IN THE LOWES PARKING LOT.
GONE ON ARRIVAL.
Location : 1313 SW CANAL BLVD
He wasn't lost, he was probably just looking for his car. He's all, "Dude! Where's my car?" or more like, "D'oh! Where's my car?"
Get it? "D'oh" and "doe?"
Oh never mind, I've milked that for all it's worth.
_____________________________________________________________
Speaking of milk-
* ANIMAL / All Complaints Referred to
Animal Control Officer(s): 07:45
Officer: GREGORY, RON
Reporter: ONCEA, BILLY DAVID
COW LAYING ON SIDE UNABLE TO GET UP.
TURNS OUT THE COW IS CALVING AND ALL
IS NORMAL.
Location : NW 23RD ST/NW HEMLOCK
Good Lord, I've had it. These people don't get out to the country much, do they? Damn city folk. Yes, cow's have babies, that's where cows actually come from, not just from your grocery's meat aisle.
_______________________________________________________________
Speaking of meat-
* SUSP CIRC Suspicious Circumstances: 12:45
Officer: MAJETICH,JAMES
Reporter: FENTON, JAMES METCALF
FOUND SUSPICIOUS SUBSTANCE IN BAG ON STREET.
SUBSTANCE WAS RAW CHICKEN.
Location : 3025 SW QUARTZ AVE
Oh My GOD! Call the cops! It might be CRACK! Or Quack! Or Cluck!
What did he think it was? Dead body parts? Freaking paranoid.
Dude would never survive in the Big City.
________________________________________________________________
Now this is just getting fowl-
* ACO Animal Control Complaint: 15:33
Officer: LONG, DON
Reporter: ANONYMOUS
REPORT OF DUCKS STUCK IN ICE IN A
POND NEAR THE 2300 BLOCK OF SW 23RD ST.
DUCKS WERE NOT STUCK AND IN GOOD HEALTH.
SETTLED BY CONTACT .
Location : 900 SW 23RD ST
OK, besides being a stupid complaint, if you've read my other police reports, there was once someone who called in with this-
REPORTER REPORTED ROW BOAT IN WATER AT LOCATION. REPORTER WAS CONCERNED FOR THE DUCKS. THE DUCKS SEEMED TO BE AVOIDING THE BOAT JUST FINE.
Hey, I love ducks too. With orange sauce. Yummy!
_______________________________________________________________
* HARASS Harassment/Threats/
Menacing/Stalking/Phone Harassment: 23:42
Officer: CHASE, CORY D
Reporter: MCCOY, BRETT MATHEW
THREE DIFFERENT RP'S CALLED TO REPORT THAT SOMEONE IDENTIFYING THEMSELVES AS OFFICER "MIKE HUNT" WITH THE POLICE DEPARTMENT WAS INVESTIGATING PRANK PHONE CALLS.
Location : 1550 NW 57TH ST
Hee! "Mike Hunt"... "MikeHunt".
Get it?
Oh, God, that is so immature. Hee-hee!
______________________________________________________________
* HARASS Harassment/Threats/
Menacing/Stalking/Phone Harassment: 00:15
Officer: DICKSON, DEXTER
PRANK CALL, IDENTIFYING HIMSELF AS "OFFICER HAIRY" WITH THE POLICE DEPARTMENT.
Location : 1515 NW FIR AVE #26
What do you want to bet this is related to the "Mike Hunt" prank calls? I don't quite get the "hairy" joke, but it's still funny!
_________________________________________________________________
Wait! Wait! I think we have an actual crime!
* SUSP SUBJ Suspicious Subject / Prowler: 02:52
Officer: DUFF, BOB
POSSIBLE BURGLARY IN PROGRESS.
WAS THE PAPER MAN.
Location : 1421 NW 6TH ST
Awwwwww... dang!
_________________________________________________________________
* VEH ACC Motor Vehicle Crash / Accident: 12:59
Officer: HICKS, DEREK
Driver: ZITEK, EILEEN J
Driver: SHAW, HEATHER ANN
Driver: ROLLINS, TRACEY M
MOTOR VEHICLE CRASH INVOLVING THREE VEHICLES,
TWO STREET SIGNS,
AND ONE HOUSE.
Location : SW 23RD ST/SW QUARTZ AVE
...and a paaaartridge in a pear treeeeeeeee...
_________________________________________________________________
I think I'll start a Neighborhood Watch; be on the look-out for Stupid People.
Until next time...stay on your toes! You, too, can help catch criminals!
And keep an eye on that livestock, they're suspicious characters.
Any exciting crimes in your area lately?
Labels: Police Logs
